I woke up at 3 pm today. Just how silly I am. To prove how tired I was. I thought today will be just another boring Saturday just like past Saturdays I had before. But it wasn't. Because we had our conversation, because I dared myself to say hi to you and you started the conversation.
I saw you. When I went to donate my blood but I didn't dare to say hi. Because I was angry. I never tell anyone that I was angry at you. Well, I did jokingly. You probably didn't realise it. So, did I.
We were closer before the two of you did. As far as I know.
I was stupid for not hitting on you. I thought you will. So I waited but you went to her.
I saw you not because you were noisy. I lied. I noticed you just when you were filling the form, when you came in to the room. I saw you with your bold spectacles, and I said to myself "He's here too.."
I took a glimpse at you and smile. For your 'mind your own business attitude'. You were always like that.
Ever since I always took a glimpse at you. I always did. It's just you never know.
I saw you sitting near me and my friend saw your eyes staring at me. I didn't noticed because I was so scared of being alone there. Of having my blood took out from me. I wished you would talk to me but you never did. You were so awkward and I know you wanted to say something but it can never come out of your mouth. It will never because you told me "I am quiet too".
I saw you and I caught you looking at me and I stared at your eyes. We didn't smile at each other. It was like there were only the two of us and we were looking at each other. And I took that opportunity to look straight to your eyes. Because I see future inside it. But it wasn't my future. It is hers.
I saw you eating with her. I bite my lips. I was so stupid for having that feelings. Why did I feel this heart-ache? This jealousy? I was eating alone and she's eating with you. Why God gave her that opportunity? She's the worst person and her attitude can never make you happy. But I had a deep thought to myself. It was her that you've been looking for all these while, I should be happy for you. And I did. With heavy heart, I let her tell everyone that you are hers.
You told me "You look so pale that day... I saw you ... On the blood donation... I guess you didn't see me..." I sighed. If only you know that I saw you. And wished that you would cheer me up that moment. But it was too late to ask you to do so. And I don't have the right to ask you to cheer me up because you are not mine. you are hers.
You asked me "Did you went to the event last night? I didn't see you anywhere..." I sighed. If only I know you would look me for me out of many people. They told me you were sitting next to her. So I asked you jokingly "You were sitting with her? I am so jealous.." And you answered. "What to get jealous for? Go find someone to sit next to you..." And you know my answer. "It is not that easy..."
You said "I think I am hideous.." when I tell you that there are many girls around here that fancied you because you are so handsome. I laughed to myself. And I said "I also think so.. TAN.." And you didn't argue about it. And I like that attitude. But to me, you are so special. You said that guy was so handsome and far handsome than you are because he's skin is crystal white. And you asked me who would I choose out of TAN and WHITE, and I said jokingly another guy's name. You said good things about that guy except that you include a 'but' after that long praises. Like this "Really Macho.. Tall, dark and handsome, really organised.. but...." And I know it already. That he is gay. I was just saying his name out loud to tease you.
I wanted to tell you before we end our conversation.
Tiada ulasan:
Catat Ulasan